It’s started! My dreams are bringing forth either my subconscious fears or giving me some valuable guidance along the way, or both. After coming home from my break away the thing foremost on my mind is that I will need to get back to editing. The nervousness starts to rise; I’m a high school drop out, finishing school in year 11, opting to quit rather than to face the possibility of failure. Fear of failure; was it rising is ugly head once again? I was always a top student at school and yet I had an immense fear of not being good enough and so it would be easier to leave school and choose secretarial college rather than find out if I could actually meet the expectancies of teachers and family. I was in charge of my life and no way was anyone going to stop me from “not failing”. Maybe the joke was on me as I chose to quit and take the easy road.
My life has been rich with experience and by no means ordinary. I have created a life filled with amazing and out there experiences and feel fulfilled and with little room for boredom, so not finishing school has not stopped me from achieving all that matters to me; that of helping others and making a difference in the world. You don’t necessarily need an education for that. However, here I am, feeling the fear once again and my dreams are talking to me.
Early morning after arriving home from my break late the night before…. this sounds like I’m about to go into rhyme… “not last night but the night before, 24 robbers came knocking at my door!” Anyway, early that morning I had a dream of a big fat tarantula sitting high in the corner of my room, glaring over me. He made me nervous, naturally! “What is tarantula?”, I think as I go to Google for the symbolism of Tarantula. I chose a site that I use from time to time that resonates with me http://www.linsdomain.com/totems/pages/tarantula.htm –
Creativity and Weaver of Fate
A spider totem teaches you balance —
between past and future, physical and spirit, male and female.
She is strength and gentleness combined.
She awakens creative sensibilities
and reminds you that the past is always interwoven with the future.
Spiders are the keepers of the primordial alphabet
and can teach you how to write creatively.
Her body is shaped like the number 8 and she has 8 legs,
which is symbol of infinite possibilities of creation.
Her 8 legs represent the 4 winds of change and the 4 directions of the medicine wheel.
Spider’s message is that you are an infinite being who will continue
to weave patterns of life and living throughout time.
Do not fail to see the eternal plan of creation.
Those who weave magic with the written word usually have this totem.
I should breathe easy with this message that is reminding me of my great power to create my own destiny. I am perfectly on track, and I should not sway to the fear within.
Is Tarantula speaking to you today?